The mustard seed

Days here are so long and the heat is no joke. This morning I went running with Melody and I could barely finish two miles and it was simply because I felt so freakin overheated and like I was going to die. I even started to feel a bit stomach sick. I guess it must be because we're so inland-there is just such little breeze going on here!
On a more interesting note and one that convicts me (hopefully it will continue to convict me even more deeply and I think it's definitely something I need to repent for), running in Immokalee was not what I expected it to be.
(Why do I seem to always be the person who just always puts themselves out there? But then I have to remind myself that I am not the only one who struggles with assumptions, stereotypes, and prejudices....)
I was surprised that I could even go running around Immokalee and that Melody does run on a consistent basis here just fine by herself. I was also caught off guard by how middle class many of the homes and parts of the town are. I don't feel unsafe, I don't feel threatened. I felt as though many people (and sadly some of them were family members) really bashed Immokalee and discouraged me from coming here because of a safety concern. Many also said I should be very cautious with all the men that will be here hitting on me constantly, because, yeah, that's all older Latino men do, right? They have nothing better to do than hit on younger women?? WRONG!
No one needs to tell me that Latino men can be flirtacious. Trust me, I know. I am from Miami, enough said. (And all I have ever dated has been Hispanic guys, if that says anything, too). But I have always found many Latino men to be very respectful of women in a lot of ways. Here in Immokalee I feel respected so far. Sure, I have caught a couple looking at me here and there but can you blame them?? hahahaha :) Yeah, there is some truth in some of the stereotype but it's also very unfair to assume that all Latino men are going to yell out to you as you walk down the street about how beautiful you are and how they are in love with you.

The point is that generalizations have got to be killed. We cannot just form our opinions about a whole people group based on one or two interactions. That's just so stupid.

So I've mostly been doing some office work, which at first (and still kind of is) hard for me to do such menial tasks (or what feels like menial tasks). I am trying hard not to have that kind of attitude because those tasks need to get done and they do have a purpose, even if it just adding like hundreds of names and emails to the SFA list serve. I do get to attend all staff meetings and it's cool to hear about things that are coming up for the fall that need to be planned now. Mostly we are now planning for the annual Encuentro (means "gathering" in Spanish), which is a small conference with workshops on how to bring the CIW campaigns to college campuses. That was the first time I came to Immokalee, actually, for the Encuentro in 06. It's pretty intense and it's fun because it's just all these hippie college students who want to love farm workers and bring justice into the world.
We're also planning for the next national campaigns for fair food. Taco Bell, McDonald's, Burger King...got them to agree to work with the CIW on fair wages, so who's next? You may have seen stuff already on the CIW website if youre someone who keeps up with it, but the next targets are going to be Subway, Chipotle, and Whole Foods. They've already been talking with these corps about the tomatoes they purchase from Immokalee so it will be interesting to see where these campaigns go, especially if any these CEO's follow what just happened with the whole BK thing.

God is so faithful, you guys. I feel Him so near to me and I see Him evident in such small ways. I have so many thoughts that go through my mind throughout the day. Too bad I do not have a way to implant a laptop in my brain and then type everything as it happens.

I have been thinking a lot about Christian community and how much I value having that. Yesterday morning I kept feeling this weird emptiness. Parts of me were irritated and then parts of me were really sad. I think I just really wish I had someone from Tampa with me here to process and debrief everything I see, think, and feel.

I have this issue of a divided heart sometimes. I think its definitely this battle between the flesh and the spirit. My flesh says that prosperity and wealth and comfort sound nice but then my soul can see that there is no life in those things and my soul is thirsty and it longs to stay alive.
I realized once again last night how nothing I ever do makes sense to the world. When I hear the Lord tell me, yes, mi hija, go! I feel empowered and it makes sense while I pray and when I listen to my Father. But then I present this idea to the world and many of them do not get it. They think I'm gullible, a communist, immature, that I am too idealistic and that it does not matter what I do, change will never come (these are things people have told me in the past several years, whether I was going to do TUP, the Mexico City Project, moving into Ybor Heights, moving back on campus, and now in Immokalee). Many people tell me I might get sick, I might get physically hurt or attacked by someone, I might get robbed. They tell me I don't really know anything or what I am talking about.

Then I hear my Father speak to me and it's usually through others who have an intimate relationship with Him and they affirm me. They encourage me and remind me that I am following Jesus and that is who I live for.

Something else to admit. Being in Immokalee is really hard because I just graduated from college. Again, it does not line up with what the world has always told me to do after I get my degree. The world has always told me to go and get something so I can make as much money as possible and then I can also find a husband to take care of me so we can pop out a bunch of kids together. Then I can have my nice house and spend my Saturdays buying new sheets at Linen 'n'Things and that will be the highlight of my week. And it will be all about me, me, me........
NO! That's NOT me. I don't want to spend all my time and money decorating a house that could be broken into or burnt down in a matter of seconds. Why does everything have to be about how much you have? I hate stuff. I hate even more that I find such a comfort zone in it, though.

Really, it doesn't make sense to come to a place like Immokalee immediately following graduation. But for some reason when I hear from the Lord, it makes all the sense it needs to make to me.

I have been wondering about what drives the rest of the staff to stay here and be committed to this movement and to this community. I felt so encouraged by the Lord this morning because I found out that my roommate Melody is Catholic and that her faith has driven her to lead a life fighting for justice. We also talked about liberation theology for a while and she told me about she got to hear Gustavo Gutierrez's sermons a few times while she was attending Notre Dame (which of course made me a bit jealous!). She also felt a lot her drive came out of the liberation theology she was taught and just realizing how God is definitely on the side of the poor. I also got to share a lot more with her about my relationship with Jesus and really what He means to me and how He is the reason I am here now. It was just a good conversation and once again God really showering me with His faithfulness, especially because of somethings I was praying about last night.

The more I think about who God has created me to be and what He has empowered me to do, the more drawn and ready I feel to love and serve the Latino community, particularly migrant farm workers. I know that one thing that scares me but that I have been praying about a lot is a community of believers who are ready to commit themselves with me to love and serve. Who else will come?

The kingdom of God...like a mustard seed. It starts out small.

Yet when a seed falls to the ground and dies, it can spread its seed and multiply.

Dying to ourselves, our conveniences, our comforts, to pleasing our families, to our own plans and desires. All for the sake of the kingdom of God and the love He has shown us.

I pray one day a community of people will come with me and we can challenge each other in deep ways to die to ourselves. That we can be like those mustard seeds. Or like the yeast worked into the flour and dough.

Today I dropped off a couple of staff at the Ft Myers airport who were leaving to a conference. I cannot explain to you how weird it was to be in this rich behind area and then to stumble upon this crazy shopping center that had all kinds of stores and restaurants that looked so familiar and comfortable and that just felt natural. I really wanted to go into the Super Target, actually, because I wanted to buy a couple of things that I wasn't able to find in Winn Dixie in Immokalee. I also wanted to buy more fruit because I knew it would be higher quality.

It was just this tension again. This entitlement and at the same time this feeling of why I am not more disturbed by certain things? How can I be disturbed by something that is all I have ever known? That feels so natural to me?

I can't get that one thing Jesus said that time out of my head.... "Life does not consist in an abundance of possessions".

There is so much more to life than me and my needs, my clothes, how I look..........
yet I can't seem to get away from those things.

I have so much more I could write but I'll have to save it until tomorrow. It's late and I need to sleep.