To everything there is a season?

So on Sunday evening I left Immokalee and moved back to Tampa! Aaahhhhhhhhhh....what a carnival of emotions.

Late Sunday night I spent a significant amount of time writing an entry here and when I was almost done, sleep hit me like no one's business and the next thing I knew I was in dreamland. In the end, I lost the entry I wrote. :( I'll try and recap as much as I can.

Right now I'm in DC, actually. I flew out here on Monday night because I am visiting a very good friend of mine, Dana "Banana Cafe" Villauz; she is moving to Spain for a year on Friday! I figured it would be nice to not have to wait until next summer to see her again. I am also visiting some other dear BFF's up here and then my mom and my sister are going to meet in the magical pupusa forest in a couple of days so we can vacation together (s0mething that has not happened in a very long time for the 3 of us, so I am really looking forward to this because my family had some rough times this year and I think sometimes we just need to be OK with resting and enjoying each other and showing one another a lot of love).

Wow. So Immokalee is over. I am always so freaked out at how quickly realities can change for people with privilege (like me). I mean, my reality is always one of privilege but do you know what I mean? I can choose to come and go as I please wherever I want, basically (within reason). Honestly, it feels good to just chill. Even before Immokalee, it kind of felt like I had not rested in like a year or something because this past school year was so stressful and there were always things going on during breaks even. Now I am just resting and it feels nice. I've been hanging out with my friends here, looking for jobs online (I actually had a phone interview today! but ehh not feeling it...), praying, talking with the Lord a lot, reflecting...

and just wondering what the heck is going to be next in my life!!!

As hard as Immokalee was for me in many ways, I am grateful to God that I was able to be there this summer. There is no way I would have learned some of the things I did in Tampa.

I think Immokalee should be considered one of Florida's best kept secrets, if not one of the United State's best kept secrets. This place is no longer a secret to many people but I think as many people should know that there is an incredible revolution going on there. The more I have reflected on what the CIW is doing, I realize how huge it is. They are changing an entire industry, they are working to improve a corrupt system that has been in place for way too long. I think it was the recent Whole Foods agreement that took place that made me see this. Pretty much all of our produce that we find in our grocery stores all over the US are products of exploitation and sweatshop-like conditions and sometimes even straight up modern-day slave labor. (Unless one is fortunate enough to find produce that is Fair Trade Certified by TransFair but that's usually a rarity here in the US). Yet now, in the very near future, peeps will be able to walk into a Whole Foods and know that the majority of those tomatoes were purchased at a more fair wage (the current piece rate for a 32-lb. bucket of tomatoes is 45 cents, with the CIW's penny-more-per-pound campaign, that rate has been raised to about 77 cents. With that, on average, a farmworker can now earn around $16,000 a year as opposed to somewhere between $7,500-$10,000. This is always a bit tricky because it always depends on how much work a tomato picker can find, etc). Also, Whole Foods has now agreed to the CIW's code of conduct, which holds them accountable to ensuring there is no other kinds of exploitative conditions going on in the field. The system is nowhere near perfect and there is still a lot of work to be done but indeed a revolution has begun in a place called Immokalee. I feel privileged that I was part of it and that I am still part of it and like I told my compas when I left, I am always their ally. Su lucha es mi lucha, their struggle is my struggle.

I truly believe that God is on the side of the tomato pickers in Florida. I believe He is on the side of the men and women crossing deserts and borders (that should never have existed in the first place) for the sake of love and survival. There are a lot of people I worked with this summer who would not call themselves Christians or who would not claim Jesus as their Savior (mostly the allies). Yet I met many of the workers who would definitely say God is the only reason any of this has been possible. I have to agree with this. The CIW began a courageous revolution many years ago and I really believe it was because they knew God was with them. Many of them were undocumented workers who did not speak English and yet in 2001 they dared to take on the largest fast food company in the world, Yum! Brands, the parent company of Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Long John Silver's, A &W (and one other restaurant that I always forget it's name) and they dared to declare a boycott on Taco Bell until they made things right. What made them think it was possible? Strength and courage from God. I want to continue to strive to have this kind of faith in God, that with Him all things will be made right someday because this His will! His will is for justice and righteousness so I pray that He would continue to bless the work of the CIW and that His name would be glorified through this beautiful community. It is in no way flawless but they are doing something big.

My calling is to be with my people. In many ways I went home this summer. I'm not a Chicana or a Mexicana or a Guatemalteca but I still found my roots in Immokalee as a bi-racial women- part Spaniard, part Incan via Ecuador, part Irish, part Scotch, part Welsh somewhere down the line, too. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone else, but something inside of my soul felt very alive as my Spanish improved more and more each day. As I was able to carry on more and more conversations, it was as though God was giving back something to me that had been wrongfully stolen from me as a child. I once prayed about 3 years ago that God would give me the Spanish language; He has been faithful in answering that prayer for me.

I remember Brian once speaking this past spring about how when we will know what our calling is or just where we are supposed to be. (BTW, totally paraphrasing this, as if that were not already obvious). He said that it's when you think of that thing or that place, you start to feel kind of nervous but excited deep down inside. I think about Latin America, I think about Immokalee, I think about the neighborhood I grew up in, I think about LaFe and I feel that way. Tonight I was talking with another good of friend of mine up here, Anne, and I was sharing with her about the ministry of LaFe at USF and how it was started and how it has affected the IV chapter and the campus in an incredible way. It was crazy because I actually got goosebumps on my body thinking about LaFe and the amazing ways I have seen my brothers and sisters be impacted by this ministry.

I just want to be with my people. I think that is where I am supposed to be. I think for now I need to be with my people in Tampa. The longer I have been away from Tampa, the more I love that place.

Sorry if this is boring for any of you. Right now I am writing this mostly for myself to try and process what I am feeling. Writing has been so therapeutic for me always and it really helps me to make sense of things, especially because I am naturally scatterbrained. :) In a sense, though, I also write these things publicly as a form of accountability. I know that those of you who have been my faithful readers truly care about me and what happens in my life (and it goes the other way, too!).

One thing I have been freaking out about a bit has been a job because I feel like the job I get should be somewhat related to working with the farmworker community or it at least should be somehow connected to community organizing or something. Then I remember that many of those who have often organized within the community didn't do it as a day-job; they did it in their free time because they cared, they saw a need, so they acted. That is definitely something that I need to hold myself to, even if I end up in something totally unrelated to what I want to be doing for now (because eventually I'll have to take something to pay the bills, right?). I need to be out there with my people either way.

So...here I go...

Changing the system, not just charity work. Lord, don't let me forget that.

Another thing. So the title of this blog has been "Re-learning this Latino American Dream". All I have to say about this supposed American Dream that exists right now is...a really bad word, honestly, but I am not going to use it here. But guess what, I am a human and right now that's my attitude towards the whole concept of the American Dream. From what I have seen my whole life after growing up in Miami and then being in Immokalee, there is nothing too great about this dream. In reality, it is a nightmare. It's a nightmare that tells us it is OK to leave others behind as long as we are ourselves getting ahead. I think it has caused many of us to forget where we come from and to forget the sacrifices of those who come before us. I think too much of it turns into materialism and greed. I think it's a lie for many of the people immigrating to the US. I don't want anything to do with it.

Not unless we're willing to learn to create a new kind of dream. A dream of dignity, justice, righteousness, a dream where it includes all of us, not just the privileged few. A dream that honors the will of God and His love.

I still don't have a ton figured out. I have left Immokalee with a lot of questions but I am glad that I have a bit more direction in my life at this point.

OK...so this is going to be the last part of this blog now, for real!

This part is for all of YOU. You all have been so faithful to me this summer. Thank you. I don't deserve the kind of love and kindness many of you have shown to me but for some incredible reason, many of you have chosen to demonstrate it through your friendships with me. It has meant so much to me when you all left comments or sent me messages or emails letting me know you had read my blogs. Thank you for being my community, for being part of this experience with me from a distance. Thank you for the prayers (I could really feel them some days).

Thank you for affirming me as a writer. This has been such a huge restoration in my identity and I really want to continue to use this tool for God's glory.

Thank you for sharing your own stories and struggles with me as they related to what I was learning throughout the summer. There were a couple of you that I know God purposefully placed in my life during this season because He wanted me to learn something from you. I also found parts of myself in you.

I left Immokalee just as the season of autumn began. The former English major in me still loves to draw symbolism to everything in my life (lame, yes, I know, but oh well. this is who I am). But here begins a new season in my life. All I can say is that I am grateful I have a Savior to once again walk with me through this one. All I can do is take what He has taught me from my experiences and my mistakes and put those teachings to the best use I possibly can.

For all the sirenas, the jaranas, the Son Jarocho, the avocados, the paletas, the marimba music, the watermelons, the friends, the struggle...

it will be continued....!

The kingdom belongs to them

This entry is a shout out to some of the greatest people I have ever met in my life...some of the children of Immokalee. :)

Every Sunday of the past 3 and a half months or so I have had the privilege of coming to the CIW's reuniones de las mujeres (women's meetings). It's a time for the mujeres to come together and have a chance to speak up and ask questions about the current campaigns within the Coalition without feeling intimidated by any men in the room. There are also English classes that are held during this time, too. I have been privileged enough to be able to be trusted to hang out with their children and really, looking back,it's just been an honor to spend time with them.

I think kids scared me for a while and I am not even exactly sure why. I used to baby-sit my younger cousins all the time when I was finally old enough. Maybe when it was when I realized that I was old enough to bear children if I really wanted to and it hit me what a commitment they really are, that scared me. After this summer of spending time with my kids here in Immo and also living with Itzael (the almost 2 year old son of the family I live with), I definitely want a few of my own. I think it's safe to say all my maternal instincts have officially kicked in, jajajaja.

For all the Spiderman pictures, the panda bear masks and panda bear pictures, the "avion!" games (the airplane), all the abrazos (hugs), for all the smiles (that especially made me hopeful on some of my hardest days here), for the time Giselle painted my nails with orange paint, for all the conversations in Spanglish, the legos, the Dora the Explorer puzzle, el burro, duck, duck, goose! games, for trying to explain to kids what being bi-racial means, the talks about indigenous roots (both theirs and mine), drawing with chalk, for coloring in The Little Mermaid brown instead of peach (because brown skin is beautiful), for being able to affirm my kids in that our culture is beautiful and something to be celebrated, for being able to remember where I come from because of them, for being accepted by them without any questions.

This is for them.

The courageous kids of Immokalee. They are not saints, they are not without sin. Yet my heart breaks for them in a way because they are forced to grow up brushing their teeth, washing their faces, and taking baths in agua mala (bad water). I'll never forget all the times I had to walk them away from the water fountain in the community center and remind them that the water here is not the best to drink. I don't want to forget their confused looks on their faces as I walked them over to the kitchen to get water from our 5 gallon jugs instead. The thoughts of the kids being constantly exposed to water full of pesticides, arsenic and other toxic chemicals is truly sickening. That's an unwelcome invitation to things like leukemia right there.

Perhaps I have a lot of things to pray about acting upon. Perhaps? No, I definitely do!

The kingdom of God belongs to ones such as these. Ones who can love unconditionally, ones who can accept others and welcome them into their lives without passing any pre-judgments, ones who trust and accept love when it is given back to them.

I have so, so, so, so, so much to learn.............

God of the broken

So I really wanted to drop in a blog in the last few hours of August. I have only written twice this month because one of the weeks of this month was absolutely one of the worst of my life. I do believe a cancer relapse may have been easier. This kind of pain was different because it was the kind that was mostly brought upon myself. Those who need to know what happened know and those who don't, will not know. All I can say at this point about that is that I have finally started to feel like Lauren Meow again in the past couple of days. I know it's been the prayers that several people were praying for me and a couple that I cried out for myself- the peace of Christ has come over me. I have been reminded of who I am and who I want to keep being. There were a couple of moments where I honestly contemplated running far, far away from everything because then I would never have to face anything. I would pretend that I did not have to face myself. I can't run from God. I could run into the mountains of Oregon or Spain or somewhere and still God would be there, pursuing me, chasing after me like a mother after her kidnapped child. Like a man who felt his lover slowly slipping out of his arms, He came back after me. I am grateful with all soul that I was not able to escape Him.

In three weeks today I will be leaving Immokalee. Tomorrow makes exactly three months that I have spent here. Despite all this self-inflicted pain I have been experiencing lately, I am so glad that I can say now that close to 4 months of my life were spent here. I am thankful for the stories I have heard, the people I have met, the pain God helped me to embrace, the countless times I laughed, the moments that made me uncomfortable. I am grateful for the way God has made me yet again even more desperate for Him. I am privileged to have been able to open up this world to many others that I know. I am honored that I have been accepted into this community, even as so far that two of my friends here from Oaxaca (southern Mexico) have insisted that I come to visit them soon when they finally go home after several years of being in the US.

The last two weeks have been a bit of a blur for me being here in Immokalee. I know that I have been working and living but it has been hard. I am trying to remember the week before that but right now I can't. Right now I feel like I am in a stage of mourning....mourning the lost of things very precious to me, mourning over the broken person I am, mourning over things that should have never happened. Anger has been flaring up and down in me, mostly at myself, somewhat at others. Others who should have heard me when I said certain things but mostly I wish I would have heard myself and that I would have heard God in moments that I really needed to...

Grace.

I have never had this kind of deep understanding of grace and love before. I had, in many ways, forgotten what the Gospel really is all about.

The Gospel is for people like me. Broken, prideful at times, feeling like much of my life has been a disappointment, feeling inadequate, confused, not one of the most educated, not someone who can speak in a very intellectual way, someone who just messes up a lot. The Gospel is for ragamuffins, for people who do not have it all together, for people who will never think they have it all together. The Gospel is for places like Immokalee, where there is a town full of people that the most of the world has rejected. So perhaps this has been a good place for me to be in a lot of ways. Though I am not materially poor, my spirit has always been poor and I will always need Jesus to keep coming to fill it to just where it needs to be.

I have recently started reading a book called The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I think everyone in the world should read this book. Unless you really think highly of yourself, that you're good on your own and that you don't need God. Otherwise, it will break you in ways that you didn't think were possible.

I have been dwelling just a little bit on this old Anne Frank quote that I have always really liked..."I don't think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains". I remember I used to have that written that on my bedroom wall in high school (along with all the other hundreds of things written and painted on the walls). Let's face it, there are plenty of things to be miserable over in this world. I see a lot of things to mourn over every day in Immokalee. I see a lot of things that are miserable about me. I have done some miserable things but there is still so much beauty in me that remains simply because I am a Jesus follower. That is the only way any beauty can remain in me ever and it's the only way to keep bringing something better into a miserable world, even when you are the one who caused the freakin misery in the first place.

Reconciliation. Like I said in one of my earlier blogs, that seems to be the theme of my life this year. That is a theme I am desperately praying to keep around. I am hoping and praying with everything in me that I will see it once again lived out in my life again soon.

Perhaps I will write once or twice more before I leave here. My mind is still trying to grasp so many things that have happened lately that it's been overwhelming.

I hope all of you are doing well. I will see many of you soon!

Just thinking....

Brian is right. It will never be cool to follow Jesus in the activist world. In that case, I would rather call myself a Jesus follower than an activist, an anarchist, a socialist or a radical. When being all about social justice stops being cool, I'll still do it because I'll always be a Jesus follower. It's not a phase, I am not being idealistic. I am just trying to follow all that I know to be true in a world full of lies. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. It is so hard to be the only one in a world full of activists trying to really hardcore follow Jesus. I struggle every moment to remember who I am and not to compromise myself to make others happy. That is not easy being the natural pushover, people pleaser that I am. Like I have said a billion times before throughout this blog, I miss my community and I cannot wait to live out justice with them. Last night a very dear friend of mine offered to pray with me over the phone and as we prayed for each other, I realized how much my soul longed and ached for something like that. Just to simply pray with another human and cry out to God together. After we hung up I started reading Ecclesiastes for some reason and then I got to the passage about how two is better than one, because if one falls, then the other can help bring them back up. I am grateful for many of you who have been my community from a distance. Please keep praying I don't forget who I am here. Please pray that I remember who I serve, who I follow, who I worship, who I love.

Can you pass me my machete, por favor?

I don't have wireless in the house I live in anymore in Immokalee so I have been limited on when I can actually sit down and write. It has been way too long. But less is more, right?

How does joy exist in the midst of pain? The past few weeks I have been crying quite a bit over several different situations of people I know, people I love and care about so deeply. I have been crying out to God and asking Him why. I don't completely understand why pain has to exist, why suffering has to happen. One could go ahead and give the cliche, "Oh, you know, for character development" deal but damn, it does not always feel that way when the suffering hurts as bad as a thick needle being stuck into your bone marrow. I know that I have learned that suffering is good and necessary because through it we learn obedience and discipline (Romans 5). It just doesn't always feel that way.

Where would be without the Lord? Where in the world would I be if Jesus had not intervened into my life and rescued me from myself? What would I do when I encounter so much pain this world? Where else would I turn?

Really, what can you say to a group of farmworkers who have been exploited their whole lives? To a group of people who have been discriminated against and taken advantage of simply because of their ethnicity and the class they were born into? Where does hope come from when those fair wages you are fighting for don't come in? What do you say to one of your good friends who has been battling a rare cancer for two and a half years, who has been to doctors all over the country and no one could cure her? What do you say to your aunt who is dying from diabetes at only age 42, what do you say to your uncle who has to do everything for her now that she is blind and can't walk anymore on her own? What do you say to your younger cousins who never come home anymore because they can't deal with their mother dying? What do you say to some of your closest friends when one of them hurts the other deeply, when one of them breaks the trust that was once there? What do you say to people who feel like there is no hope, there is no redemption for them, even when deep down inside you know there is something for them? What do we say to all this pain in the world? What do we say?

The thing is that I have nothing to offer, I have nothing to say, except for Jesus. I have nothing else to hope in. I do not have all the answers but I believe that without Him we are pretty much screwed. To think that we can make things right and better on our own is just straight up prideful. Who are we, but broken human beings, in desperate need of a Savior? Broken people searching for wholeness, and once we find that wholeness in Him, only then can we truly began to be used to bring some comfort to the pain of this world. Seriously, this has been one of the most painful years of my life. I have felt so sad way too many days but on those same days I have also felt a lot of joy when I have chosen to crawl into the arms of my Redeemer. Jesus is truly good news and I do not understand why any broken human being would reject everything we have always longed for. Being in Immokalee has allowed me to see my incredible need for Jesus more than ever. I never want to do anything apart from Him and all I want to do is bring others to know this incredible man, to put their hope in Him, to find joy in serving Him.

A little over a week ago my peoples from Tampa and St. Pete came for an immersion visit to Immokalee. It was so great to see InterVarsity in Immokalee! About a week before that, some good friends and leaders of the church I go to in Tampa also came to visit me, Brian, Joann and Alison. The visits really helped to affirm so much of what I am doing here. I am still so honored that they would take time of out their schedules to drive down here and spend some time in the community (especially with these gas prices). I loved how everyone was so engaged and so willing to take a posture of learning while they were here. I loved seeing my good friends from Immo talk with my good friends from Tampa & St. Pete. Bridging two worlds together, that is something Jesus uses us to do. I also do not feel as alone as I did before, in this burden to love migrant farmworkers, because now my community has seen what I have seen, now they have felt a bit what I have been feeling. Now we are in this together and this is so incredibly encouraging.

God has been really faithful in answering some other prayers. I have been able to really build deeper relationships with so many people in the community, even in my broken Spanish. I was thinking today about how much Vero and I have become good friends. Vero is the wife and mother of the family I live with and she doesn't speak much English at all. She understands quite a bit, though, and asks me how to say things all the time. She is also very patient with me when I forget how to say things in Spanish and I have learned a ton from her. I do not think I have ever had such a good friend where neither of us were completely fluent in the same language! It is amazing what the Lord can do, how He can work. God is bigger than my messed up Spanish, He is still able to use me in spite of it, to share His hope and love with others and He has been the One who has enabled me to be able to share my life with others here and for them to share theirs with me. Vero even told me a few days ago that she wished she had a sister like me and then I told her that I am already her sister.

Oh yeah, and I went to pick guavas about a week ago, too, that was so much fun. Lots of spiders, yikes. I never realized how incredible it could be to live in a rural area and to be able to drive out to the middle of nowhere and then run into a forest and shake the trees until the guavas fell out. I went with Melody (my roommate) and Reina, who is this really great lady from Paraguay that always invites us over to drink mate and chase alligators in her backyard. She is probably in her late 40's and she just puts on this big rubber boots and grabs her machete and starts cutting any of the branches in our way so we can run into the forest to climb up the trees. I hope that someday I can live somewhere in Latin America for a while in a rural area and climb mountains and swim in waterfalls. See, my indigenous roots are starting to be awakened more and more in me. My mom is so proud to be half-Incan, she would be proud of me. :) Perhaps I will start putting my hair in braids again and wearing my ponchos, like she used to do for me when I was a litte girl.

Bits and pieces

"We live in different realities".

"Here it's all about individualism. In Guatemala, when the town sees a woman and her family in need, we give her anything she does not have that we do. It's not like that here and that's why I don't like it, that's why I want to go back".

"They think we are happy to just have work. They say 'oh at least they are making some money'. No, we are not happy. We just absorb the pain and deal with it because we need to provide for our families. We are not happy with this work".

"We are not working for ourselves. We are working for our families back home. When we come here to the US and cross the border, we are not thinking about how we are thirsty or if la migra is going to get us or if a snake is going to bite us. You can't think about those things. All you can think about is your family and you do it for them. You keep crossing that desert for them, not for yourself".

"You want me to show mercy to those who exploit me? If I show them mercy and love, they are going to keep walking all over me. I cannot afford to show mercy".

"If you do not take the time to understand what is really going on, then you will never really love us. There is no way you can really love us then".

"God says we should love and take care of each other. That is why I always ask you how you are doing. But I am not going to church because in the churches here are the crew leaders who exploit us, who do not want to pay us for our labor. I do not want to be there with them."

"In the Lake Placid slavery case that was busted a few years ago, the people who enslaved the workers had a strong presence in church, they were the ones who were in church every Sunday. The ones who held others as slaves."

"We are not reaching and asking for that fair wage. We demand it because it's what we deserve. Ask for it?? F*** that! Demand it! It is ours!"

"I used to be in school in Guatemala, I was studying to be an elementary school teacher. Now I am here because some of my younger brothers and sisters are in the university studying. I work for them, I came here for them, I work so that they can study. I am the one paying for them".

Bits & pieces of conversations I had this week in Immokalee. These few words do not do justice for the pain and discomfort I have felt many moments this week. They do not do justice for the pain many of my people feel but have learned to absorb and take as a normal part of life. This is a glimpse of their reality.

Despierta

One thing I have heard a lot within the past few years of my life has been about how a billion people or so in the world do not have access to clean drinking water. We are privileged in the US to be able to turn on our faucets and drink from it without worry (usually). I have been meaning to mention this in here for a while now but I always forget to.

No one here in Immokalee drinks the water! If you do, you will be taking in lots of arsenic, all kinds of pesticides and, oh yeah, lots and lots of fecal matter.

In the United States of America, in a town called Immokalee, people do not feel safe drinking the water. I remember my first week here, all the allies and the CIW staff had a meeting at the new farmworker community center that we have slowly been moving into. We all talked about the water fountain in the center for quite a while, because everyone was really concerned about if people would drink out of it or not in the future.

That's a freakin huge deal.

Water! Agua! People, no matter where they live in the world, should not have to worry about if their water is going to give them a disease and eventually kill them. Arsenic in our water. ARSENIC. OK, some of you may or may not know this, but when I had leukemia, a huge chunk of my chemotherapy treatments were receiving arsenic through an IV for weeks and weeks. I think there may be different types of arsenic, I am actually not sure. I know that there are more toxic things out there than arsenic but it is still not great for the human body! If it is toxic and strong enough to kill leukemia cells (and those are some dangerous, powerful little things), then can one even begin to imagine what exposure to years and years of that will do to someone? Sure, OK, we have a bit more privilege here in Immo because there is a station near Winn Dixie where you can bring water jugs to be filled up with purified drinking water. Sometimes I see women walking around Immo, pushing water jugs in baby carriages back to their homes. So clean water is accessible if you have a way to get to this station and you have a $1.50 to fill it up; or you can use a filter like I have been doing. Still, though....every time I brush my teeth here or take a shower, I wonder what kinds of toxic chemicals I am once again being exposed to. I still don't really know what caused my leukemia a few years ago and I am definitely not in the mood to develop some sort of other disease that could possibly kill me again. My question is why has the county allowed us this to be, why has the state not done anything, where are the public health experts, where are the people of God? What about the children growing up here in Immokalee? Their health has to be put at risk simply because they were born into poverty? So it's going to be their fault if they end up with cancer in 20 years, if they end up with something else that could kill them? I mean, I know there is all kinds of horrible things in our water everywhere in the US but I have never felt that threatened about it growing up. The fact that people are concerned about a water fountain here really says something.

The longer I am in a rural area, the more I realize that rural areas are just way too neglected. They are so hidden, the people who live here are so hidden from the rest of the world. The focus is always on the city and that is where people want to go. I don't think the city should be forgotten but I don't want my people here in Immo to be forgotten nor in other rural areas.

There is something so intriguing about just being outside, about not having to endure traffic and overwhelming lanes of cars and trucks, about having some peace and quiet. There is something so great about everything being only 5 minutes away, about being able to ride a bike everywhere if you want to. A few days ago my roommate Melody and I went to pick pineapples, bananas and maracuyas with our other friends, Cande and Osker. We went to this forest/swamp place behind a lady named Reina's house. OK, I know this sounds weird, but she was the first person I have ever met from Paraguay and that made me really happy because I have always wanted to meet someone from Paraguay. I don't know why. There was just something so simple about it and we had a lot of fun, just all of us being together, and I was like why can't I do things like this more often? We just kind of took the morning off for a couple of hours and went did this and drank mate with Reina and it was a Tuesday and it was just so nice! So nice.

(OK, i have a lot of run-on sentences, I know, I know).

I told my friends that morning I wish I could be a banana. But I would definitely would want people to bury me when I became just a banana peel since I would be biodegradable and it would make me happy. So if I ever turn into a banana, I want you all to remember that.

It is so crazy how much I have adapted into a rural area. I suppose it could be my Incan roots coming alive in me (yay!). I just have this strong desire to live more naturally and simply.

You guys, I want us all to be more. I want us to be less so that we can be more (because less is more, right?).

I am so glad that I got to go to the Jesus, Justice & Poverty conference last weekend. I still think that was definitely the most incredible weekend of my life. I really feel like God is calling some of us into something together. I have some ideas and some vision but sometimes I am scared to put them down here. So i won't just yet. OK, I will put this out there but I think we all really need to bond together somehow and figure out ways as a community that we can consume less resources. When Brian spoke on Saturday about how 20% of the world consumes 80% of the world's resources (us), that was not the first time I had heard those stats, but they hit me just as hard. I have some ideas on how we could start to do this, to live more simply and stop using up so much resources for our convenience and I know that others do. I believe that God can really use a small community of people to make a huge impact if we allow Him to. I am just so tired of giving into convenience, I really am. I want to be about what I say I believe. For the sake of the love of God, I want to use less and be more. I want a community of believers to stop giving into entitlement and convenience and to start being better stewards of the environment.

Brothers and sisters, how are we going to allow God to use us to bring His transformation?

I miss my Tampa community a lot. I love my friends I have made here dearly but there is something incredible about being with other Jesus lovers/followers (jaja, that sounds funny but that's what we are). After the JJP conference, I am even more convinced that real justice and transformation cannot come without the Lord and it cannot come on our own, as individuals. We need each other. There is just so much going on that only Jesus can heal.

A couple of weeks ago I finally began to let myself really mourn over the pain of this beautiful community. I don't think that I have fully allowed myself to step into the pain of the community but parts of me have and the parts where I have gone to have hurt. I think it really began on the 4th of July; a large group us went to Ft. Myers Beach. It was a little crazy, a lot of fun and very surprising. However, it did also leave me with some aches in my heart.

Crazy because well, it was the beach on the 4th, enough said. (For anyone curious, no, I did not do anything crazy or illegal or nothing I should have not been doing!). It was fun because there were a lot of laughs making fun of each other and just hanging out and I always enjoy saying things that make no sense to people, especially in spanish, because then it really makes no sense at all (jajajajaja). Surprising, though, because God really just made some miracles that night. I ended up talking with a couple of the guys from the CIW for a couple of hours in Spanish (that's really huge for me to be able to speak that long in Spanish to people!). And I got to share with them about what God has done in my life and about surviving cancer and who Jesus has been to me! That's a miracle right there, on the real.

I also was able to do a lot of listening, though, which started to leave some aches in my heart. The one guy I was talking with mainly, everyone calls him "Chery" (and he told me he doesn't understand why, jaja), shared his story with me about coming from Guatemala to Immokalee. He is about 27 now and came here to the US about six years ago with one of his brothers, "Roque", who I actually worked with in the watermelon fields a few weeks ago. Anyhow, he shared with me that back in Guatemala he had been studying medicine for a couple of years in a university. "Chery" said he loved it, he loves medicine, he loves science and one day his dream is to go back to Guatemala and be a doctor who can provide medical services for those who cannot afford it. I've never been to Guatemala and I have only heard bits and pieces about the current political instability going on. "Chery" explained to me that there was still quite a bit of violence going on in the town he came from and that eventually he was forced to leave with his brother and come find work here in the US...

...how the heck does someone go from studying medicine to picking produce for sub-poverty wages?

I tried to imagine how I would feel if that happened to me. What if I went to the watermelon fields and for some reason, I was not allowed to leave? Or what if all of a sudden, I was forced to move to another country, where the culture does not make sense to me and I do not know when I will see my family again and I don't speak the language? And it does not matter that I just worked really hard and sacrificed tons of time, energy and sleep to earn a degree. I just have to work, I have to work to survive. The work I do has nothing to do with what I just studied but no one cares. Many would probably not believe that I ever studied anyway, because they already have their assumptions about me as a person because of the people group I belong to.

This is the case with many farm workers here. What does that do to a person's dignity? Studying medicine one day and then a few days later, picking produce for people in the US who will never thank you, never see your face, never really care about the back-breaking work you're doing for their convenience?

I would be so angry if that was me. I would feel entitled to more. I would demand better kind of work.

My heart begins to ache in situations like this. I also have met a couple of other guys who are really struggling with depression and then drinking out of that because they are so homesick and because they are away from all that is familiar and English is freakin hard to learn! This is where I start to mourn for my brothers, for those who are suffering.

God has been trying to teach me a lot about my people. I am so privileged that I cannot even see it most of the time. Almost everyday I am here I listen to people talk about their families they have not seen in years and it brings tears to my eyes, even now. It is so unfair. It is so unfair. It is so freakin unfair. How come I have the privilege to hop into my car and in an hour and a half I can see my mom, my sister, my step-dad, my grandparents, some of my cousins, aunts and uncles, my dad? How come others have to go years and years? I am a Latina but I have such a small understanding of my people's struggle. I don't fully understand what my family went through to get to this country. I know that my abuelita (grandma) had to come first and then she did not see my mom or any of her other children for 8 years because she did not have the money to bring them over here. I see the affects that has had my family until this day and I have heard my mom talk sadly about how she had to go through so much of her childhood without either parents around.

I am grateful, though, that God is allowing me to finally connect to some of this pain. I just hear so many hard things and I do not have any answers. I see no other hope than God. He is the only One who is going to be able to make things right. He is the One who has to bring people out of depression, out of drinking too much, He is the One who can bring families back together. I think the work and the organizing of the CIW is incredible and necessary. The fight is a good fight but the fight is bigger than us. We need the One bigger than us to win.